Why Can’t I Seem to Connect? Find Your Tribe in an Age of Disconnection

Do you ever feel like you’re on the outside looking in? You see friends laughing together, couples walking hand-in-hand, and families gathering, and a deep ache of loneliness settles in your heart. You try. You put yourself out there.

But the connections feel superficial, the conversations fall flat, and you’re left wondering, “What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I seem to connect with others?”

I want to sit with you in that feeling for a moment. The desire for connection is not a weakness; it is a fundamental,

God-given part of who we are. We were created for community. From the very beginning, in the Garden of Eden, God said, “It is not good for man to be alone.” So, if you are feeling the pain of loneliness, you are feeling the absence of something you were designed to have.

The modern world, for all its technological connection, has left many of us feeling more isolated than ever. It’s easy to have hundreds of “friends” online but no one to call when you’re having a bad day. This is a struggle I see so often in those I coach, and it’s a critical piece of the purpose puzzle.

In my book, Progress Toward Purpose, we have a whole principle dedicated to Relationships, and it’s centered on the idea of Seeking Wise Counsel. This isn’t just about finding a mentor. It’s about intentionally building a circle of people who share your values, support your dreams, and challenge you to be better. It’s about quality over quantity.

The Bible speaks a lot about the company we keep. Proverbs 13:20 says, “Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm.” Who are you walking with? Are the people in your life speaking wisdom, hope, and encouragement into your spirit? Or are they draining your energy, feeding your insecurities, and pulling you away from your purpose?

In the Progress Toward Purpose Devotional, we get very practical about this. We even talk about how to recognize “fools” and “frenemies”, people who may seem like friends but are actually hindering your progress. Learning to create healthy boundaries and invest your precious time and energy in life-giving relationships is one of the most important skills you can develop.

But I know the question that might be in your heart right now: “But how do I find these people?”

It starts with your relationship with God. He is the ultimate source of connection. When you draw near to Him, He will lead you to the people who are meant to be in your life—and others that listen to Him. Your relationship with God is the model for all your other relationships. It’s in that sacred space that you learn to love, to trust, to forgive, and to be vulnerable.

I remember a time when I felt deeply lonely. I prayed to God, not just for friends, but for His friends—the people He had chosen for me. And He was faithful. He brought people into my life, sometimes in the most unexpected ways, who became my trusted counselors, my prayer partners, and my companions on this journey.

Your desire for connection is a holy one. It is a reflection of the heart of God. Don’t give up on it.

What is one small step you can take this week to cultivate connection? Could you join a small group at your church? Could you volunteer for a cause you care about? Could you reach out to one person and invite them for coffee? Can you seek a life coach?

You don’t have to navigate this journey of life alone. The Progress Toward Purpose community is built on the power of connection—connection with God and connection with each other. It’s a place where you can be real, be seen, and be supported. If you are longing for a tribe to call your own, I invite you to join us. Let’s find our people, together.

Click below for more resources:

1. Join Our Community: You don’t have to do this alone. We’ll walk alongside you. Community Link

2. Explore the 7 Principles: In my book, Progress Toward Purpose, we unpack the concept and provide practical steps to explore your space, develop a plan, and gain the practical and spiritual traction you need to move forward.

3. Deepen Your Spiritual Walk: The 7-Week Devotional will guide you through the 7 Principles with daily prayer and scripture, helping you to hear God’s voice and find the strength to endure.

4. Explore our mentor-coaching programs  with The GIT Coach to find the individual support and accountability you need. As your GIT (Get It Together) Coach, I’m here to help you navigate this journey.